Shashi Gupta

Letters.

It's been so long since he's been gone
Pages I've stacked on the shelves of my heart
Each day, each moment i add to them
The weight of them is heavy on my chest.

Someday when i get down to writing them down
The 'Hello, How are you', will meaningless be
The dam will burst and flood the lands
I will bare my heart and express my pain.

Letters i will write from the depth of my heart
The ink will flow when my tear drops start
Smears on the pages will make my letters illegible
Where to post the letters, God's address i know not.

But release i will get, i know from the pain
That suffocates me and makes me insane
I speak to you like you lie by my side
But oh so far you've gone, my letters won't reach.

Shashi Gupta

I spent my life in hiding in corners,
Secrecy being my theme.
I couldn't face the realities of life, so,
Mystery I spun around my being.
No matter what the world thought of me,
My identity I hid from them all.

Then came a day when the truth I saw,
Where was the need to hide?
I too am a creation of God,
With gifts that have been hidden from all.
So what will I do to make life worthy,
For days I thought about it.

Now a fabric I weave
Textured like velvet or silk,
From nature's palette
The colours I take, dark and bright.
The patterns too, the world gifts me all.
All this I put it into words
That will never fade away.
Sometimes I weave a happy pattern
For life is so beautiful, though sometimes sad
And then I show the sorrows to all
That burden this life in unhappy ways.
But always in my thoughts, I try to bring,
A beautiful piece that I hope
Will stay for a lifetime to cherish.

No more secrecy do I hoard now,
My life is as open as a book.
No mystery reigns, my life is free
And this freedom is my precious gift.
I am proud of my identity, my very being
I am what God meant me to be.

Shashi Gupta

As a child I used to pretend
That sunbeams pretty, I could pluck.
Tie up in knots and keep in my stock
Of all my worldly precious things.

Someday then, I would imagine,
When the sky with clouds is darkened,
I'll take one out, unfurl its length
And spread light amongst the forsaken.

But that was my childhood dream,
And now I'm a full grown woman.
There's much to be done and I'm just one
But I know I have to keep on trying.

Childhood is abused and beaten
Youth lies in gutters in stupors
The old are abandoned and forgotten.
What has mankind reduced itself to?

Come join hands in this endeavour
If we try we can uplift the poor.
The needy cry out, we can hand out
Some caring, warmth and love amongst them.

Now is the time to use my bundle
Spread light in these darkening lives.
Spread smiles, they cost not much
And from one they pass on to another.

Shashi Gupta

Frozen I am, with a glass in my hand,
Is it the wine or my pain that won't let me move? 
Heavy is my head, I seek a place to rest,
Yet my limbs carry me, like a zombie I move.

Numb are my senses, yet in pain I am,
Seeking a place to rest my weary soul.
But search though I do, I always come up
With doors that lead up to you.

Unlocked I have, the doors I had shut
To let escape the dense rain clouds
A good drench I know will wash away forever,
The pain, the tears, the burns in my soul.

Shashi Gupta

Like molten glass, under the blazing sun
The sparkling waves, sway to the sound of the sea.
The sea gulls above, dive to catch some fish
And into the cool sand I dig my feet.

On the far horizon, a lazy ship drops anchor
And with total abandonment, dances on the waves.
My heart reaches out, to be one with the waters
And rock to the music of the far reaching sea.

A pretty shell scrunched under my foot
A clump of seaweed, washed ashore.
Stay safe all fish, your life is in the water
And on the beach, I breathe deep.

Shashi Gupta

I saw and heard, as life passed me by
I felt the pain as you broke my heart.
I thought of ways to turn things around
But all I got was an aching heart.

I tried so hard to slip past the gloom
Turn on the light for all was grey.
I tried to smile though my heart cried out
Give me release from these chains of pain.

And then one day it was all so clear
Nothing was going to take the pain away
I lost all strength that Id hoped was there
And sought out the easy but inevitable way.

A chair was all I needed to be tall
A rope to adorn my choking throat.
Just one step off and there I hang
Like a pendulum on the grandfather's clock.

Shashi Gupta

Train Journey.
Whizzing through the countryside,
Past fields, some now just bare,
Some shaded green expanses, stretching
As far as the eye can see.
Colourful trees in wooded patches,
Stand tall but far between,
And meadows so green, are crowded,
With horses, cows and sheep.
Little cottages peeping through trees, gone past
Before I can capture them.
But in my mind is a picture clear
Of the beautiful country side.
Winding paths through the spread of fields,
Leading to clusters of houses,
Cars I see parked in places,
For not a road have I seen.
Logs of wood in neat stacks,
Saved for winter warmth
Man like the tiny busy ant,
Preparing for the cold and damp.
Little stations that we stop at
Tell tales of the country life
Vacant seats of the benches
Show the slow paced country life.
No one is rushing, there is contentment here,
Away from the buzz of city life.
I know I will miss the peace I see
When back in the city I am.
But my life is there, and I wouldn't exchange it,
For a peaceful, lazy countryside life. 

Shashi Gupta

Like a mouse in the tower
So quietly she sat,
All around her was clamour
Of friends exchanging news.
Not a word did she utter,
Not a sound did she make,
Just sat there like a statue,
Lost in her own dream world.
Brightly shone her eyes,
A pretty smile on her lips,
For in the sound of silence within,
She laughed and played with her dream man.
She was happy to be amongst friends,
Far from her silent imprisonment.
And though she couldn't exchange a word,
She found happiness in the company she's found.
Silent is her world,
So she twitters in her mind,
A constant chatter goes on,
And she love the world she's in.

Shashi Gupta

Rainclouds.
Just yesterday, the sky was clear
Birds high above, soft cottony clouds,
So happy and gay, were the sky and I.
Where suddenly then, have you come from,
You rainclouds,
To darken and pain my world?
The sun too tries, to peep out
From behind the dark curtains you hang,
But all in vain for too thick,
Is the blanket we are wrapped in.
The tears we cry,
Wash clean the world, and me,
Of grime and dirt and angst.
The trees look clean
My heart relieved of its burden,
Then why do I complain so?
A downpour I expect,
To hide my tears,
For my weakness, i don't want to show.
But deep in my heart, I know,
You cannot wash away my pain.
Your fresh clean waters, turn to brine,
As my tears mingle with yours,
Can we not try, just you and I,
To leave the past behind?

Shashi Gupta

Unblinking in the night I sit
Like a statue forged, stuck to the ground.
So heavy hearted, it forgets to beat,
But every thump makes me tremble so.
The night birds shriek, call out to mate,
The holes all blocked in the sky.
No ray of hope, life passes on,
Is there no release for me?
Each breath I take, drags me down,
My roots won't let me move on.
I sit here in the inky night,
The day to me, seems not too bright.
I close my eyes, ah, is that heaven I see?
My eyes too burn and melt inside.
I long for a place to rest my head
Before my world goes up with a bang.

Shashi Gupta

Pick up your brush, your canvas awaits,
Paint me red, for the blood you shed.
My tears as they trickle, will wash the red
So paint my lips with a shade of pink.
Black for the storm that brews in my eyes
Wild black clouds that settle on my head.
Colour my soul in the tints of pain
Bruised and aching, from your eyes hidden.
Bare limbs with shreds of clothes you tore
Just brown I am where ever you explore.
Under the water where you hold me to drown,
White is the colour to hide your sin.
Brush strokes in anger, my heart beats in vain,
My end is not here, try hard as you may.
When free from your grip, I will fly,
Up into the blue skies, paint me as you will.

Carole Young

'The Fountain of Heaven 2017'

My spirit leaves my body
I walk through a golden mist
You stand by a dancing fountain
And I wonder if I exist.

I've travelled a very long distance
To meet you again
If I ever will..........
Then..................when?

You look at me with tearful eyes
The fountain dances on
And it's then I know
That I can't stay for long.

The mist clouds over again
Doctors and nurses surround my bed
And they tell me with a worried look
That I was forty seconds dead.

But we will meet again
Come what may
We will meet again, my love
Some happy day.

FOR BILLY XX

Sarah Gray

456 days. It's been 456 days....

But 7 days ago I joined this group and since then have been reading your posts. I've read months worth to get an understanding of the different ways you have all been affected by this stoke, the world I now live in.

So 456 days ago at 11pm I was 31 years old and I was on top of the world. I was in my bed making my table plan for my wedding..... and then that blip.Gone was the right hand side of my body, gone was the relationship between brain and body that I had never appreciated as much as I do now.

So since then.... January 31st 2016 has become my start date. I started the most incredible, emotional, determined and best journey of my life.

I've become a wife

I've Become stronger & stubborn

I've worked my butt off at physio

I've endured pain worse than childbirth

I've started up and coach a netball team

I walked again

I Swam again

I've lost 4 stone at slimming world

I take nothing for granted

I've been back to golf

I've realised how precious life is

I've fallen down lots

Smashed 9 plates, 201 mugs and a bowl

I've lost friends, I've gained better ones

I've felt fatigue I thought would finish me

I've campaigned for awareness

I've made my family proud

Small and strong had been my way all along

I've been at my lowest, and then given myself a shake!

For everyone who didn't get the chance, for everyone that has been robbed and ruined by stroke...I'm grabbing it with both hands and not letting it go.

I'm a survivor... and I'm letting you know.

Sarah Gray

#MyMilestone #Stroke #StrokeSurvivor#Strokeawarenessmonth

Lisa Beaumont

SCULPTED - How we can be born twice

I

Have been sculpted by life.

Chip,

Followed by  blow after blow until my form was revealed.

Before the stroke, my material was concealed,

My full form hidden

When the stroke smashed into me I didn’t crack,

The material withstood and took shape.

A new me was created, I discovered new ways to live  

A new me

Confusing for those who thought they knew me

Who is she?

a new start

I have two birthdays. Celebrate

Shashi Gupta

My ink dries up as do my tears
But after the rain, come lovely thoughts
That I need to pen down for others to see
The ink in my pen writes them down for you and me.

Pages are penned in ink so blue
Letters are written and saved in a box
Will you one day come back from where you've gone
Peep into my heart and read what I've penned for you.

Invisible is the ink with which I write on my heart
For your eyes only is this note I write
Scribble with my blood and hope it survives
For it is the pain you gave that leads me on to write.

Shashi Gupta

The stage was set, the music played
But my heart was heavy, warm tears washed my face
In a corner I stood, hidden from the eyes of all
The pain I felt, I couldn't share with others
Through glazed eyes I watched
As they danced with abandon, to our favourite tune.

You turned your back, and without a goodbye
You left my life and walked away
What was the reason, I still wonder why
The dance of life, came so suddenly to a halt.
The music screeched, deafening my eager ears
Listening for the sound of your footsteps on the dance floor.

What happened to the joyous days we shared
Locked up now are memories that haunt me so
Butterfly wings crushed under the feet of time
Some sunshine remains that dazzles my eyes
Leaden feet that remain fixed to the spot
Though the music plays, I've forgotten to dance.

Shashi Gupta

The Path Less Travelled.

Tired of battling, I paused on the crossroad of life
Not knowing for sure which road to take
For the one that took me down the oft walked path, 
Was lined with immense heartaches and pain.

So I took the path that gave me independence
Freed me from all my shackles and chains
To which Id been bound in my days all along
And so now alone, I walk the path less travelled.

I broke all rules that tied me down and I
Refused to care about what people think of me
And my carefree ways, for I've made up my mind
To walk the path that freedom brings.

I'm a free bird and I love to sing
And fly high in the open sky.
Life is beautiful, a song and a dance
Rich colours now brighten my days.

There is sunshine bright all the way I walk
And because I have learnt to love my life so
I now see love in all that surrounds me
That earlier seemed all sorrow and pain.

There are times when being alone can also loneliness mean
But though I'm alone,
I'm surrounded by love
And that from life is all I need.
So I walk the path less travelled, that for me, independence brings.

Yvonne Kent Pateras

Memories

Memories that travel through the

Revolving doors of my mind.

Never ending corridors, with

Scattered thoughts

Before me unwind.

It must be autumn today in my head,

For the leaves of papers

Billow and blow. I must put some

Order in this chaos, and not let it grow.

Each leaf has as word,

Each word has a sentence,

Each sequence has a method,

Which all starts with a word.

I am so glad it is autumn

in my head today

And words surround me.

Because it is only a matter of time

Until one escapes from my lips.

Yvonne Kent Pateras

A Memory Box

Make a box to hold my memories.

Make it strong and sturdy.

Get a lock and key.

I want to be sure nobody can access,

Nobody but me.

I want to remember everything.

So, come, surprise me.

What can I learn today?

Which flower’s smell gives me pleasure?

Please pray, tell.

Which memory will you unlock

For me today?

All fresh and new.

The memories begin to trickle,

And then they begin to flow.

I fell such relief and utter satisfaction,

As the memory begins to blossom and grow.

We talk and you show me numbers,

I start to remember how to count.

My excitement begins to grow.

How many things have I forgotten?

That’s what I want to know.

Yvonne Kent Pateras

Fighting Aphasia

I tried to think of a word today

And I could not.

The fog had descended in my head,

It would not allow any words to slip through.

It was dense and impregnable,

Not even the light could penetrate

Through this dark.

cloying acquiescence.

Words elude,

Not a word of anger.

Not a word of humour or desire.

Not a word of love or hate.

Nothing what would resemble

The beginning of a word,

To allow a sentence to be molded.

Like clay into something desired,

Anything!

I feel soulless,

Morally bankrupt.

The keeper of a million words,

That was me.

Now I can’t think of a mono syllable –

Cruel destiny.

Shashi Gupta

A trickle down her cheeks so pale
A strand of golden lock dims her vision
Deep blue eyes in wonder open
The sounds of silence surround her so...

Outside the clouds reach down to nudge her
The silvery sheet of rain comes down
The birds take shelter amongst the leaves
As lightening strikes in the world around...

Just why should nature frighten her so
Though life seems so dull and grey
She applies a dash of lipstick on numb lips
And steps out to face life with scarlet lips....

Shashi Gupta

Carried away with my emotions, like waves, 
Splashed across the rainbow skies
Is where Id love to fly, free with my love so sweet.
The pictures I paint with my loving words
On autumn leaves of my secret file
Record dreams of a beautiful day
Though sometimes I may look too frail.
Under the shade of the purple haze
Carelessly scattered flowers
Crushed under us on the emerald grass
Tell tales of a love so deep.
Eyes closed we linger in a sweet embrace
Till sounds we hear of retreating footsteps
But there is nought to fear
For to tell the world that we love
Is my need of the day.
Treading gently arm in arm
Our sentiments we share with the world
The smile never fading on our faces
The warmth we feel
As deep in a world we created
We break free from the tight cocoon
The world spins around us.

Shashi Gupta

I drown in the depths of sorrow
And though I struggle to rise above it
The whirlpool keeps tugging
And I go deeper into the sea.
Am I responsible for this drowning
For I let the feeling overtake me
Numbed by the heaviness
Of the sorrow that engulfs me.
Gone are the days and nights
It's all a black hole now
Emptiness surrounds me
And I don't know where I am.
What happened to the colours
Where did the music go
When did I miss the magic
I know I stopped living...